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Monday, February 13, 2017

5 Mistakes Keeping You From Real Love

by Giordana Toccaceli

I talk to single men and women every week. They want my help to find (and keep!) soul-satisfying relationships in record time.

Yes, I said "record time." You might think that love is all about timing and therefore totally out of your hands. Here’s what I know for sure: Timing is a factor, but every day, you are either positioning yourself to receive love or you’re actively pushing love away.

Here are five of the biggest love-blocking mistakes people make and my suggestions on how to turn them around:

1. Playing the waiting game

The “It’ll happen when it happens” mindset is one of the biggest mistakes we make when trying to attract and keep love. Waiting requires almost nothing, and yet, even though we’re giving nothing, we still expect to attract soul-mate-level love? In my experience, it rarely happens that way.

You wouldn't expect to build a successful business by just waiting for it to happen. You would do research, connect with experts in that industry, get organized, etc. Love is no different. Don’t wait for someone else to hand it to you on a silver platter. The person you spend your life with is worth your intentional and conscious effort.

2. Not being emotionally present

You’re successful. You have a great career and a fun circle of friends. You’ve got so many great things going for you, maybe you’re approaching your dates like interviews—trying to impress your potential partner instead of just opening your heart to a mind-blowing connection.

Relationships are all about the feeling world—your heart and soul—so being authentic and opening yourself up to a deep connection is essential.

Relax. Talk about your passions, your dreams. If sharing your feelings and emotions doesn’t come naturally, invest in learning how to open your heart and inner world in a way that creates closeness and authenticity.

3. Not believing that you are worthy of love

One of the most powerful ways to attract love is to begin by becoming aware of your own unhealthy psychological patterns. Identifying and finding ways to release your baggage is vital. How you feel about yourself is how you’ll make others feel.

Are you standoffish and guarded? Your date will feel uptight.

Are you obsessed with being independent? That will create distance, and your date will feel disconnected from you.

Do you get attached too quickly? Your date will feel like you’re using them instead of really seeing them.

Understanding the core reasons for these automatic behaviors (almost all of them come back to self-worth) is a crucial step toward attracting love. When you are willing to identify these root issues and reprogram your self-worth, your natural radiance will finally be seen, and that’s what will attract love into your life.

4. Holding on to cynicism

What are your deepest beliefs about love and relationships? For example, maybe you were cheated on, and as a result, you think true monogamy is unattainable. Or maybe you’ve been single for so long that you think all the good partners are taken.

Jaded or skeptical thoughts about love and romance are usually rooted in fear. Have you taken the time to process and work through these fears? I have seen so many promising relationships crash and burn because of unresolved fears and a lack of true belief in relationships.

Your recurring thoughts about love and relationships are driving you (subconsciously), so it’s important to deal with the unhealthy ones if you ever want to achieve real, lasting love.

5. Trying to do it alone

If you set a goal for yourself and start working toward it but keep hitting wall after wall, what would your next step be?

Give up on the goal completely? Keep doing the same thing (that’s clearly not working) over and over again?

My suggestion: Empower yourself.

Empowerment looks like learning everything you can about attraction, connection, love, and relationships. It might also look like investing in real, strategic support.

Whatever the right mix of action steps is for you, I strongly encourage you to not give up. Don’t assume that if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s not meant to be. There is a love out there for you. Prepare yourself to be able to receive it when it comes.

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